Women Seek Feminist Allies in a Relationship – Breaking the Bias

Emerging in the early 1900s, amidst tremendous unrest, oppression, and gender inequality, International Women’s Day continues to be celebrated and honored even today with great enthusiasm. A day to mark the freedom from stigma and stereotypes, celebrate women’s successes, and raise awareness against biases.

When we speak of biases, there are strong opinions about women and relationships. With the changing paradigm of gender equality over centuries, women today seek parity in all aspects and are more aware of their rights. And that ideology seems to have seamlessly seeped into the relationships where love is the fundamental surrounded with perceptions and experiences in context to modern-day identities of women. So, is this bias true that women seek feminist allies in a relationship?

With the outrageous clashes every now and then, and taboos like ‘modern girls’, ‘outgoing’, etc., the idea behind ‘feminism’, seems to be losing its essence somehow. Feminism is merely categorized as a clashing point to conservatism today. And in a relationship, feminism strikes hard when women stand up to their rights and expectations, instead of crashing under the dead weight of ‘compromise’ and ‘adjustments’. Whether it is marriage or a relationship, it is always put to test because women step up.

The newer generations and modern relations or relationships have learned to evolve to suit the changing mindset and expectations. Whereas the newer generations have evolved to see an upsurge in aware, empowered, and independent women, the unhealthy and biased gender norms have continued to shape up the mentality of men and boys the whole while. Free from scrutiny, and appearing to be normal and natural, these toxic biases need to be eradicated to create a more cooperative, equal, and friendly space where both men and women are free of restrictive codes that hold them back.

A greater sharing of responsibilities, purposeful care, mutual respect, honest communication, and dignity pave the way to a stronger bond between couples, whether in relation or relationship. So, what’s the harm in women seeking a partner who is a feminist? First and foremost, both men and women need to get rid of the misconceptions of feminism that malign ‘feminists’ as ‘man-haters’. Once the concept is clear, an alliance between feminist partners can be more stable, committed, and enjoyable.

Feminism at its core is a belief that advocates equality of men and women, which doesn’t imply both genders are the same. ‘Equal rights and access to opportunities alike’, is in no way a synonym for ‘both men and women are same’. They are different, we need to understand and accept the fact as gracefully as we essentially require an understanding that feminism is not about toppling down cherished traditions, bringing down men, and raising a breed of angry and forceful women.

Whereas the male partner needs to understand that an insistence beyond politeness and a display of residual patriarchal mentality is unwelcome for a healthy relationship, the females should also refrain from ‘faux feminism’ that leads to misogyny and leads to a vicious cycle of unrest in an alliance. As much as true feminism helps in creating more meaningful relationships, the brunt of pseudo feminism leads to overshadowing the affection between partners. Neither partner is a ‘prized-possession’ and needs to be equally assertive and beneficial in a relationship.

Erasing the burden of the sagging traditional norm of men ‘being in control’, not only benefits the women, but also gives breathing space to men to express their feelings, thoughts, and emotions beyond the ‘toxic masculinity’. ‘A levelled perception and equal growth’ which is ‘unblemished with the exploitation of its virtue for personal benefits’, is all that is required to build the foundation of a strong, happy, and healthy relationship.

And hence, it would be completely wrong to either assume or expect that women today seek ‘feminist allies’ in relation or relationships. Women only expect a partner who would understand them, accept them the way they are, treat them equally and respectfully. ‘A partner who is feminist’ is the key to finding love and feminism in a relationship, rather than merely ‘hunting for a feminist ally in life’.

About the Columnist

An HR-turned-Author, Jyoti Jha is an MBA by qualification and has been associated with corporates like Infosys and Whirlpool in the past. After almost a decade of globe-trotting, she pursued her compelling passion of expressing through words and embarked upon the journey of exploring the field of literature.

An esteemed winner of ‘The Times of India Write India Season 3’, she has authored the books, ‘The Realms of Human Emotions’, ‘Around The World Through My Lens’, and ‘Aanandi’. A Literary Critic, Columnist, and a Lyricist, she has been proud panelist and Guest Speaker in Talk Shows at prestigious institutions like IIM Lucknow, IIT Delhi, IIT Jammu, and Christ College. Having been interviewed and featured at one of the Top Literary Journals of the country, Jyoti has been an honorable Jury Member at the Literary Club, IIT BHU for Storytelling. She has been an esteemed guest speaker at a unique Talk Show ‘The Lit Talks’ on a reputable OTT Platform. Her debut Hindi novel ‘Aanandi’ has been featured at the Pune International Literary Festival (PILF) 2021.