“It’s enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment.” – Gabriel Garcia Márquez
With an inherent desire to connect with others and build bonds, human beings love to personalize everything, enjoy mutual sharing, and make life simple and beautiful in every possible way. When we speak of bonds and connections, relationships play a vital role in this process, journey, and experience. An increased sense of worth, the feeling of belongingness, and beyond the solitary existence, relationships are a significant part of human extant and provide emotional and overall well-being, and even enhance survival. But what happens when relationships fall outside the definition of ‘normal’ as outlined by societal norms?
Relationships that stray beyond the marital sacrament bounding a man and a woman in permanent ties! Couples with inter-caste, inter-faith, inter-class, inter-racial, same-sex, May-December relationship, Live-in, premarital cohabitation, or extramarital relationships, have to face the stigma emanating out of teachings, beliefs, moral judgement, and intensely ingrained conservatism in societal setup. Under constant scrutiny and resentful stares, these relationships are considered taboo in several regions across the globe. In India, these concepts mostly carry a social stigma attached to them, are considered illegitimate, unethical, against the principles, and are frowned upon by society, clouding the stance of the people involved in these types of relationships. However, changing youth attitudes, progressive voices, and urbanization have constantly pushed the boundaries of these traditional and historical reverence for marriage, vast cultural norms, and canvas of the familial expectations that have woven the fabric of Indian society and collective consciousness for a long time. India has been woven in the rich tapestry of traditions, values, customs, and beliefs, and it is but natural for a society like ours, to get stuck at the crossroads when the dynamics of relationships, the very essence of human bonds, are deflected from its expected trajectory of perceptions. Marriage has a sanctity attached to it in such societies and is bound to cast scepticism when any relationship navigates outside this societal cornerstone. Any non-conventional choice is viewed through the lens of moral ambiguity and societal attitudes grappling with such a shift in the paradigm.
And when we specifically speak about young adults and their relationships, the shackles are more tightly pulled across the youth laden with generational self-imposed responsibility of passing down their expectations and beliefs to their offspring. The perpetuated tug of war between tradition and modernity continues to cause intensified ripples in the already existing underlying tensions. Delving deep into the historical roots, India has always been a land of diverse communities with their own set of values, beliefs, and customs. Matrimonial unions have always been portrayed as the sacrament of familial setup. Any deviation from this setup always being considered with disapproval and suspicion. People in the unfavourable light are put to resentful judgement by the ones who often secure themselves behind the advantage of social positioning. However, caught in the web of all of this, isn’t one aspect completely set aside or blatantly side-lined that most marriages are merely a result of an arrangement and are not necessarily based out of love? And yet, Indian society has witnessed more arranged marriages lasting lifetimes whereas relationships born out of love only see a short shelf-life, generally speaking. So, the question remains, is the stigma against relationships justified, especially in the Indian context, and more specifically in young adults?
That feeling of aliveness and completeness exchanged between lovelorn hearts and the sense of that heart-stopping feeling between two individuals, is more prone to be an infatuation and not true love, amongst the fast-paced newer generation with diminishing attention span and declining patience. People, especially young adults need to assess if they are simply enjoying the feeling of being in love, or whether the bond is profound enough to sustain the perils and tests of time. And secondly, there has to be a distinctive difference between love and lust. And yet, there are possibilities of two people finding soul connections, sharing that secured feeling of affection, everlasting communication, and tremendous respect for one another. That attraction and idealization of emotional association, desire for a physical connection, and invested passion for someone special, often poses the dilemma of whether to take the leap of vulnerability or retreat to the norms of the societal setup. A violation of the rules of exclusivity and vicinity of familial expectations! While there are chances for many couples outside these norms to sustain, survive, and emerge from the disdainful judgement of society, there are numerous who would succumb to the resentful retribution of society and moral policing.
If the love, bond, and connection create pandemonium in the order of the cultural confinements, the longing prevails the virtue of patience, and the feeling goes beyond an eternity of emotional binding, isn’t it simply sustainable to immerse in the blessedness and experience the euphoria of human existence beyond set perceptions? The evolving narrative of societal setup and cultural crusade is growing outside the interplay of generational perspectives, communal diaspora, moral sensationalism, and societal pressures. There is going to be a palpable shift amidst all the traditional standpoints and immutable social norms that will generate evolving attitudes and conscious empowerment. There have always been such relationships that were long wrapped under secrecy due to moral implications and lack of social recognition, however, the changing times have begun the uproar and the evolving dynamics into these unchartered landscapes. The cultural land continues to tread on the path of social transformation and collective willingness to redefine the discourse of individual autonomy, leading to a more inclusive and accepting society, one where diverse life choices are respected.
Whereas the heart rules in the evolving identity of the nation, the structure also needs to remain cautioned against unwanted unrest and uninvited chaos in the order!
“In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” – Carl Jung
About the Columnist
An HR-turned-Author, Columnist, TEDx Speaker, Speaker (IITs, IIMs), The Times of India Write India Winner, Jyoti Jha has authored, edited, and translated several books in both English and Hindi. Awarded ‘Vidya Vachaspati’ and ‘Dr Shanti Jain Smriti Samman’, Judge at IITBHU (Kashiyatra), Featured in Femina and India Today, Interviewed at Radiocity Pune 91.1 FM, she has conducted Writing Workshops at IITs and NIT. Chief Coordinator, Literary Chapter, Let’s Inspire Bihar, she is known for her bestselling novella ‘Aanandi’.
