“Betrayal is the only truth that sticks” – Arthur Miller
Since childhood, the need for predictability in the care and affection we receive is rooted in our sentiments, and as we grow older, our relationships start building upon the fragile understanding of anticipations that a person about whom we deeply care would always behave in a certain way, the way they have always behaved. As we gloriously glide through the colorful kaleidoscope of this inferential assumption, we are suddenly hit by the bolt of betrayal and our dreamy world shatters away in a whiff. And thus begins the irrational game of blaming us, the circumstances, the people, grappling through the mounting anxiety and distrust, and indulging in futile attempts of bringing order through predictability. But does it work? What lies beyond betrayal? And what is betrayal in the first place?
Being deceived and misled, or a violation of trust, confidence, or a moral standard, is nothing but betrayal. It is a devastating loss that can be inflicted upon anyone, anytime, anywhere. A child can be betrayed by parents, and violation of trust can be imposed by siblings, friends, colleagues, close relatives, romantic relationships, or life partners. An employee breaking their organization’s trust or the workplace breaching the confidence of their employees. There’s betrayal in all forms and various possibilities, or at times, it is merely the loss of an illusion.
Trust always entails the deferment of disbelief to certain degrees in any relation or relationship. And a betrayal always leads to doubting the inherent goodness of this world of human interactions. From the onset of a psychologically traumatizing experience to arriving at a state of hyper-vigilance, any deception can be devastating. Establishing a myopic view of this world as proven false in its existence, the hurt feelings tend to be on a constant high alert, looking for lies and being wary of future betrayals. With misplaced distrust, we begin to socially distance ourselves from the world and start descending towards solitude. And how could we forget the heart-wrenching emotional distress, lingering pain, and continuum of turmoil that engulfs our general well-being and replaces our sense of being respected and safeguarded by that very person? Degrading self-esteem, difficulty in developing attachments, losing the sense of belongingness, and easily getting disconnected are all signs and symptoms that result from betrayal.
While pulling away from the one who betrayed our trust is the most feasible and natural response, there are situations where this option may seem to have low viability. Dependency on the betrayer for safety, security, stability, or sustainability may initiate the fear of potential consequences and the lack of courage to acknowledge the betrayal, hence resulting in succumbing to the trauma and trying to bury its impact miserably. Remember, the deeply embedded roots of insecure bonds always lead to shaky relationships in the future. So, what lies beyond the perils of betrayal?
Trust isn’t just essential for a relation or relationship but is vital for a happy and meaningful life. Restoring the feeling of trust and repairing the broken sense of relationship is important for our survival and gradual healing. It all begins by regaining the sensibility of control and taking responsibility for who we choose to live with, care for, and want to love. Carefully weaving the threads of belief, confidence, and overhaul around the damaged instincts is a good start and goes a long way. While you refrain from humiliating the ones who betrayed your trust, be mindful of separating complaints from criticisms. Communicating complaints effectively, where the person is motivated to reinstate the trust, being able to express and discuss our feelings, and evaluating whether forgiving is a worthy option. The arduous phases of denial, shock, anger, grief, the venting of negativity, and the final acceptance of the situation set the process of healing. Letting us heal, repair, and reconcile adequately would certainly help keep us away from the destructive behaviours of ‘hypervigilance, suspiciousness, distortion, and denial’. Putting into perspective, while working through the stages of grief, we need to be determined about what we want beyond betrayal and act accordingly.
We need to acknowledge and not avoid; we should evolve to accept difficult emotions and process them, prioritize our needs, and seek support. And while building trust and sustaining relations or relationships seems to be an ongoing and ever-learning process, let us be prepared to soak in the bitter truth that ‘true happiness has no meaning without experiencing true sadness.
About the Columnist
An HR-turned-Author, proud winner of ‘Top 50 Indian Icon Awards 2025’, Columnist, TEDx Speaker, Speaker (IITs, IIMs), The Times of India Write India Winner, Jyoti Jha has authored, edited, and translated several books in both English and Hindi. Awarded ‘Vidya Vachaspati’ and ‘Dr Shanti Jain Smriti Samman’, ‘Iconic Authors’, ‘Savitribai Phule Raashtriya Samman’, Judge at IITBHU (Kashiyatra), she has conducted Writing Workshops at IITs and NITs. She is the Chief Coordinator, Let’s Inspire Bihar’s Literary Chapter, and Sr Editor, Today Magazine. Known for her bestselling novella ‘Aanandi’, her writings have been featured and published in international anthologies, prominent media houses, prestigious literary magazines, and journals. Her poem has been appreciated by the Karnataka Sahitya Parishad. To help raise awareness at the very core of a caring society, her latest book, ‘Spectrum and Beyond’, is on autism.
