“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
― Kahlil Gibran
A devastating emotional loss that feels no less than a catastrophe that wrenches your heart constantly and makes your life seem miserable and unworthy. Enduring a heartbreak appears like a hurricane of grief that arrives in waves of gruelling pain, lost appetite, and perpetual restlessness. But is it an endless genesis of pain and suffering, or is there a silver lining beyond the shattered state?
That sharp feeling of shards in the guts and continuous sensation of being choked to slow death, an emptiness that replaces the echoes of love and the mounting emotions of frustration, anger, loss, suspicion, and desperation! Gazing at the fragments of love with the fear of the wind blowing them away permanently. Doesn’t it seem like an eternity of endless suffering? Emotional distress not only causes physical health deterioration but also leads to mental agony and ill health.
Limping pain, fidgety restlessness, tightness around the chest, shortness of breath, hollowness in the pit of the stomach, and much more! The physical symptoms gradually find sync with the inner fragment and transcend to psychological relapse. Emotional pain is as real as physical pain! And what better than heartache to teach that? Even if we leave the science behind, the emotional and psychological trauma that a broken heart goes through, the stress is enormously substantial. Emanating from mild desperation for finding answers, to the heightened feeling of denial, and then the mounting sense of winning your beloved back, a hope, and then the stark realization that pushes you to anger, bitterness, grief, and depression, the phases of heartbreak can be excruciatingly painful.
And how can we sideline the various types of heartbreak that define the disconnecting relationships? Whether it is a ghost breakup where the person seems to have suddenly disappeared from your life, or the hookup fade breakup that ranges between awkwardness and eventual move on. The instant soulmate breakup that is gone as quickly as it had formed, or the long-drawn-out breakup, all breakups lead to anguish and setback.
Is it only a romantic alliance that beholds the power of creating this heartbreak? Isn’t the pain equivalently and digressively destructive when we break up with friends, companions, family, jobs, and even our pets? It’s not only a love affair or close relationship that could be the cause of all misery; the residual effect of being close to someone or being emotionally attached to someone, something, or even our former self can be equally agonizing. Heartbreak is not reserved for romance. That sense of loss can be for anything and anyone significant in our life, and stings and hurts just like a romantic heartbreak. Grieving what we used to be or used to have in the past, devastated over family separations, coping with the loss of a pet, brooding over a lost job or an opportunity in life, there’s a piece of broken heart everywhere we look.
And what if there’s a heartbreaking discontentment while in a relationship? Being misunderstood, let down, and betrayed, all culminating in feelings of guilt, remorse, and hurt in an ongoing relationship, how do you deal with that? Isn’t that heartbreak as painful as being out of a relationship?
So, what do you do when the inevitable happens, and you are left to suffer endlessly? Sulk in the state of heightened negative emotions and drown in the avalanche of sorrows? A big no! When the sadness and apathy extend over a long period, there’s a loss of interest in all activities, hampering our decision-making, triggering the onset of loneliness and worthlessness, and even leading to suicidal tendencies. Seek help! Keep yourself occupied with work, hobbies, activities, friends, people, conversations, and entertainment. Music and exercise work magic. Focus on three S: Sleep, Support, and Self-care. Be in control and never lose self-belief. Embrace the good memories and move on from the painful past towards a glorious future as you concentrate on your hopeful present. Reaching out to friends, family, and even professional help can be effectively beneficial.
Accept the love that was and wasn’t meant to be, learn to love yourself, and prioritize other relationships and relations in life. ‘Time heals’ and ‘nothing lasts forever’, so give it ample time and enough space. Whether you get closure or not, accept that you might need to find it on your own someday, sometime. Differentiate the sentimentality and truth as you learn to tap your emotions, and let your heart remain open to surprises in life. Remember, the most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself! Choose love and embrace life!
“Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing…”
― Elizabeth Gilbert
About the Columnist
An HR-turned-Author, proud winner of ‘Top 50 Indian Icon Awards 2025’, Columnist, TEDx Speaker, Speaker (IITs, IIMs), The Times of India Write India Winner, Jyoti Jha has authored, edited, and translated several books in both English and Hindi. Awarded ‘Vidya Vachaspati’ and ‘Dr Shanti Jain Smriti Samman’, ‘Iconic Authors’, ‘Savitribai Phule Raashtriya Samman’, Judge at IITBHU (Kashiyatra), she has conducted Writing Workshops at IITs and NITs. She is the Chief Coordinator, Let’s Inspire Bihar’s Literary Chapter, and Sr Editor, Today Magazine. Known for her bestselling novella ‘Aanandi’, her writings have been featured and published in international anthologies, prominent media houses, prestigious literary magazines, and journals. Her poem has been appreciated by the Karnataka Sahitya Parishad. To help raise awareness at the very core of a caring society, her latest book, ‘Spectrum and Beyond’, is on autism.
